» Should I Fight This Iliad Character?

aegialia:

Agamemnon: you’ll probably lose, he’s not a terrible warrior, but you should fight him anyways because who doesn’t want to punch that asshole
Odysseus: if you wildly throw punches and ignore everything he says, you’re good. if you listen to him, you’re dead because he can talk you out of fighting and probably into selling your ancestral home as well.
Paris: as long as you’re fighting in close quarters, you can kick his ass with relative ease. he’s a surprisingly good shot though, so be careful.
Achilles: point over his shoulder and tell him that patroclus is in trouble. guaranteed win.
Ajax the Lesser: go beat up that skinny rapist asshole. make him suffer.
Helen: i mean you’ll probably win, but why???would you hurt helen, she is sad.
Ajax the Greater: no. you will die.
Hector: similarly to achilles, all you need to do is mention his family being in danger and let him turn his back. it’s equally easy, but there’s no fun in hurting him, he’s a nice guy.
Nestor: he’s an old dude but hes gonna break you
Diomedes: DO NOT FIGHT DIOMEDES HE WOUNDED TWO GODS HE WILL    D E S T R O Y YOU
Glaucus: tell him that you’ve got a friend in common and take him out when he takes off his armor to trade with you.
Thetis: she is literally a goddess. don’t mess with her.
Aphrodite: she’s also a goddess, but you can probably beat her. she’s not so good at the whole fighting thing.
Aeneas: fucking destroy him. he can’t do anything without his mom. kill him before he gets to carthage. 
Patroclus: why do you want to hurt patroclus??????
Antilochus: why do you want to hurt antilochus?????
Andromache: why do you want to hurt andromache????

via penthesileas (originally aegialia)

1698 notes #You have no idea how ready I am to fight agamemnon #I'm coming for you too ajax

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